Time for another cheek-reddening installment of Awkward KL Dating Tales!
The When Will This Date Ever End Date: By The Girl Who Will Put Up With Anything in Exchange for Brown Liquor
One time over the winter, I met a guy who was a friend of a friend at a work function. We ended up exchanging numbers and about a week later, he hit me up to go out on a date with him that night (it was a Sunday). Not super sure we were going to have much fun, I reluctantly hesitated. A few hours after I accepted, a torrential snowstorm descended upon Boston making it impossible to walk without slipping and falling – the type of weather where you wanna stay in and eat pizza in your pajamas by yourself. So he came to my apartment to pick me up and let me know that he lived around the corner… TALK ABOUT PRESSURE! My neurotic side reared its ugly head, and as we were struggling to walk to the Columbian restaurant he was taking me to, I just kept thinking how if it didn’t work out he knew where I lived and he was based only a street away. Nothing felt sacred to me anymore.
We got to the restaurant and were seated in a corner that was pretty much not visible, meaning face time with our waiter was slim-to-none. This guy would not STFU for lack of a better term – I understand dating is all about talking and getting to know someone, but I was hungry and the menu was basically unreadable to me (it was in Spanish). He bored me with irrelevant details about dumb shit boys like to talk about – the more pointless his stories got, the more judgmental I became and started to do that thing that I do where I half listen to your story because I’m trying to figure out a way to get out of it. Our waiter came up to the table once, and I had no idea what I wanted and was unable to order – he then didn’t come back for 20 minutes….. This dinner was like watching paint dry, except instead of watching, I had to talk to the paint.
The dinner, like a train trying to brake, finally came to a stop after excessive bouts of chit chat and awkward silences in equal parts. We went back out into the arctic tundra that was Boston, and he invited me over for a glass of whiskey. Now don’t judge a girl but he had just said my favorite word, (whiskey) so I decided to give him another chance. Once we got to his apartment, he brought me down into his BASEMENT bedroom and suggested we “watch a movie” – which, for those of you who are unaware, is the most awkward first date thing to do. I felt like I was in high school in my boyfriends’ parents’ basement. The movie started and I was so uncomfortable (and again, neurotic) that I just needed an out. I texted my dad and told him to call me in 10 minutes saying that there’s an emergency or something (I gave him creative freedom). 10 minutes into this strange comedy, my dad, my HERO, right on cue, called me. I excused myself and ran upstairs, chatted with my dad, and then retreated back downstairs to let my date know that my dad needed something from me from my apartment or something like that – my excuse obviously did not make sense but at least I got out of there quick. I booked it home… and never answered this guy’s text messages again. God I hope I don’t start seeing him on my block.