April arrived yesterday, so I thought I’d honor the special day by filling you in on a few stories of some real-life fools from March.

1. In Eureka, California, a citizen shopping for a motorcycle tried to make a trade for the bike, as opposed to just writing a check. This probably would have been fine, had he tried to trade something other than $8,000-ish worth of weed for the aforementioned motorcycle. Unbeknownst to Jason Bacon, the trader, the owner of the motorcycle worked for the police department and alerted authorities, who then arrested Bacon and searched his home. It turns out that marijuana truly is a gateway drug for Bacon – police found more marijuana, methamphetamine, hash, guns (including a stolen gun), and discovered that Bacon’s sewage was free flowing into a local body of water – EW. The article didn’t mention whether or not Bacon was given a drug test but I’d be surprised if he was not high. [Times-Standard]

2. On the opposite coast, greed and stupidity plague Brooklyn’s Wycoff Heights Medical Center. The New York Times did an embarrassing expose of the board getting perks, doctors getting jobs they don’t deserve, absurd spending, and the list goes on. Ironically, the place doesn’t even have malpractice insurance. Now, I can understand a little nepotism here and there but the story reads like an episode of the Sopranos. None of the board members, doctors, politicians, or trustees in the story seem to feel very guilty about mishandling the hospital to the point that it’s about to be shut down, or about how terrible the patient care is. My solution: make them all receive their own care at Wycoff Heights, and I bet within 6 months the whole place will turn itself around! Most baffling to me is the fact that fools like this think they’ll never get caught. [NYT]

3. Back in California, Kinde Durkee, a professional Democratic campaign treasurer, probably thought she wouldn’t get caught either: that is, embezzling over $7 million from employers. Durkee stole a LOT of money from over 50 victims/campaigns. What the H-E-double-hockey-sticks she did with all of the loot remains mostly a mystery, although we do know that she took a trip to Disney. Even though Durkee stole from politicians, she really stole from all of the people who donated to the campaigns, and it doesn’t look like the money will be returned. Somehow, Durkee only managed to put about $120k into her 401k account. Maybe this woman is secretly a Republican, in which case this was a genius way to derail Democratic candidates. [Washington Post]